overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
