Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am naked and annoyed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
