i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
