just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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