ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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