I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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