oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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