tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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