I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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