Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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