what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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