I wish they made helmets for livers.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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