At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
