nut hugger
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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