Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
