i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
