need another drink. this is the easiest way
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
