the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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