im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
