Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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