I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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