he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
