I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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