he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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