We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
