are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
