just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
