And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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