i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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