I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
