Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
