Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
