I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
