Welp...herpes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
