i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
