i may or may not be watching the land before time
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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