I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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