My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
