I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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