So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
