sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
