Princesses don't give blow jobs
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
