dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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