Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
