the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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