well I can't set my house on fire every night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
