My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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