He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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