toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
