Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
