She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
