There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
