Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
