the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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